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The 4 Horsemen of Communication: Riding Towards Resolution or Ruin?
Author: Dr. Evelyn Reed, PhD, Licensed Psychologist and Certified Gottman Method Therapist
Keywords: 4 horsemen of communication, relationship communication, conflict resolution, Gottman method, marital communication, communication skills, healthy communication, destructive communication, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling.
Publisher: The Relational Institute, a leading publisher of books and resources on relationship psychology and therapy, known for its rigorous peer-review process and commitment to evidence-based practices. They have a strong online presence and a respected reputation within the field of relationship counseling and research.
Editor: Dr. Michael Miller, PhD, a renowned expert in communication and conflict resolution, with over 20 years of experience in clinical practice and academic research.
Introduction:
The "4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse" – Conquest, War, Famine, and Death – symbolize destruction and societal collapse. In the realm of communication, particularly within intimate relationships, a similar quartet of destructive patterns has been identified: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These four destructive communication styles, dubbed the "4 Horsemen of communication" by relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, are powerful predictors of relationship distress and even dissolution. This article will delve into each horseman, exploring their insidious nature, the challenges they present, and, importantly, the opportunities for overcoming them and fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
1. Criticism: The Unfair Attack
Criticism, unlike complaining, goes beyond expressing dissatisfaction with a specific behavior. It involves attacking a partner's character or personality. Instead of saying, "I feel hurt when you don't call me back," a critical statement might be, "You're so inconsiderate and self-absorbed." This broadside attacks the person's core being, triggering defensiveness and escalating the conflict. The challenge lies in learning to identify and differentiate between constructive feedback and destructive criticism. The opportunity lies in developing skills in expressing needs and concerns without resorting to personal attacks.
2. Contempt: The Ultimate Insult
Contempt represents the most destructive of the 4 horsemen of communication. It signifies a deep-seated disrespect and disgust towards one's partner. Contempt manifests in forms like mockery, sarcasm, name-calling, eye-rolling, and sneering. It erodes the foundation of trust and respect, creating a hostile and emotionally unsafe environment. The challenge here is recognizing the subtle signs of contempt and addressing the underlying feelings of resentment or anger that fuel it. The opportunity lies in cultivating empathy and fostering appreciation for one's partner, even during disagreements.
3. Defensiveness: The Self-Protective Shield
Defensiveness is a natural human response to feeling attacked. However, when it becomes a habitual reaction to criticism or complaints, it creates a barrier to effective communication. Instead of listening and understanding the partner's perspective, defensiveness involves making excuses, denying responsibility, or counter-attacking. The challenge is learning to regulate emotions and listen empathetically without feeling the need to justify oneself immediately. The opportunity involves fostering a mindset of shared responsibility and understanding that conflict can be a catalyst for growth and mutual understanding.
4. Stonewalling: The Silent Treatment
Stonewalling, the final horseman of communication, involves withdrawing from the interaction entirely. This could manifest as physical withdrawal (leaving the room), emotional withdrawal (becoming unresponsive), or shutting down communication altogether. Stonewalling communicates disengagement and conveys a lack of caring. The challenge is recognizing the triggers that lead to stonewalling and developing strategies for managing overwhelming emotions in a healthy way. The opportunity involves learning to take breaks when needed, but returning to the conversation with a willingness to reconnect and resolve the conflict constructively.
Challenges and Opportunities in Addressing the 4 Horsemen of Communication:
Overcoming the 4 horsemen requires conscious effort, self-awareness, and a commitment to improving communication skills. The challenges include:
Identifying the Horsemen: Recognizing these patterns in one's own communication and that of one's partner can be difficult. Self-reflection and potentially professional guidance are crucial.
Breaking the Cycle: The 4 horsemen often escalate in a vicious cycle, making it challenging to break free.
Emotional Regulation: Managing intense emotions during conflict is vital to prevent the emergence of these destructive patterns.
Developing New Communication Skills: Learning to express needs, listen empathetically, and manage conflict constructively requires practice and patience.
The opportunities, however, are significant:
Improved Relationship Quality: Addressing the 4 horsemen of communication strengthens the relationship foundation, fostering trust, intimacy, and mutual respect.
Increased Conflict Resolution Skills: By developing healthier communication strategies, couples can navigate disagreements more effectively and constructively.
Enhanced Emotional Intelligence: Addressing these communication patterns fosters self-awareness and emotional regulation, leading to greater personal growth.
Stronger Bonds: By overcoming these challenges, relationships can deepen and become more fulfilling.
Conclusion:
The 4 horsemen of communication, while powerful predictors of relationship distress, are not insurmountable obstacles. By understanding their nature, recognizing their presence in our interactions, and actively working to develop healthier communication skills, we can create relationships built on mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. The journey to overcoming these destructive patterns may require professional help, but the rewards—stronger, more fulfilling relationships—make the effort well worth it.
FAQs:
1. What is the Gottman Method? The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. John Gottman, focusing on understanding and addressing the factors that contribute to relationship success and failure.
2. Are the 4 Horsemen always present in failing relationships? While the presence of these patterns strongly predicts relationship problems, their absence doesn't guarantee success. Other factors also contribute.
3. Can I overcome these patterns on my own? While self-help resources can be beneficial, professional guidance from a therapist experienced in relationship counseling is often recommended for lasting change.
4. How long does it take to overcome the 4 Horsemen? This varies greatly depending on individual commitment, severity of the issues, and the support available.
5. Is it possible to have a happy relationship even after exhibiting the 4 Horsemen? Yes, with conscious effort, commitment, and potentially professional help, repair and reconciliation are possible.
6. Does the 4 Horsemen apply only to romantic relationships? No, these communication patterns can be detrimental in any close relationship, including family and friendships.
7. What are some early warning signs of the 4 Horsemen? Increased frequency of arguments, escalating negativity, feeling unheard or disrespected, and emotional withdrawal.
8. Can I identify the 4 Horsemen in myself? Self-reflection, honest feedback from a trusted source, and journaling can help you identify these patterns.
9. Where can I find more information about the Gottman Method? The Gottman Institute website offers a wealth of resources, articles, and workshops on relationship communication and the Gottman Method.
Related Articles:
1. "Understanding Criticism: Differentiating Constructive Feedback from Destructive Attacks": This article focuses on the nuances of criticism, helping readers identify unhealthy criticism and develop skills in expressing concerns constructively.
2. "Contempt: The Silent Killer of Relationships": This article explores the insidious nature of contempt, its various manifestations, and strategies for addressing its underlying causes.
3. "Breaking the Cycle of Defensiveness: Strategies for Fostering Empathy and Understanding": This article provides practical tools for overcoming defensiveness and improving communication during conflict.
4. "Stonewalling: When Silence Speaks Volumes": This article examines the impact of stonewalling on relationships and offers strategies for preventing and addressing this destructive pattern.
5. "The Power of Repair Attempts in Relationship Communication": This article explores the role of repair attempts in navigating conflict and fostering connection.
6. "Building Emotional Intelligence: A Foundation for Healthy Communication": This article discusses the importance of emotional intelligence in navigating relationship challenges.
7. "Active Listening: A Cornerstone of Effective Communication": This article focuses on developing active listening skills to enhance understanding and empathy.
8. "Nonviolent Communication: A Path to Peaceful Resolution": This article introduces the principles of nonviolent communication and how it can be used to resolve conflict constructively.
9. "The Science of Love: Understanding Relationship Dynamics Through the Lens of Research": This article offers a broader perspective on relationship dynamics, incorporating research findings to shed light on communication patterns.
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4 horseman of communication: 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) Julie Schwartz Gottman, John M. Gottman, 2015-10-26 From the country’s leading couple therapist duo, a practical guide to what makes it all work. In 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, two of the world’s leading couple researchers and therapists give readers an inside tour of what goes on inside the consulting rooms of their practice. They have been doing couples work for decades and still find it challenging and full of learning experiences. This book distills the knowledge they've gained over their years of practice into ten principles at the core of good couples work. Each principle is illustrated with a clinically compiled case plus personal side-notes and storytelling. Topics addressed include: • You know that you need to “treat the relationship,” but how are you supposed to get at something as elusive as “a relationship”? • How do you empathize with both clients if they have opposite points of view? Later on, if they end up separating does that mean you’ve failed? Are you only successful if you keep couples together? • Compared to an individual client, a relationship is an entirely different animal. What should you do first? What should you look for? What questions should you ask? If clients give different answers, who should you believe? • What are you supposed to do with all the emotional and personal history that your clients stir up in you? • How can you make your work research-based? No one who works with couples will want to be without the insight, guidance, and strategies offered in this book. |
4 horseman of communication: The Man's Guide to Women John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Douglas Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams, M.D., 2016-02-02 Results from world-renowned relationship expert John Gottman’s famous Love Lab have proven an incredible truth: Men make or break relationships. Based on 40 years of research, The Man’s Guide to Women unlocks the mystery of how to attract, satisfy, and succeed with a woman for a lifetime. For the first time ever, there is a science-based answer to the age-old question: What do women really want in a man? Dr. Gottman, author of the New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and his wife and collaborator, clinical psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, have pored over the research along with bestselling coauthors Douglas Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD. Together, they have written this definitive guide for men, providing answers on everything from how to approach a woman and build a connection with her to how to truly satisfy her in bed and know when the relationship is on the right track. The Man’s Guide to Women is a must-have playbook for how to play—and win—the game of love. |
4 horseman of communication: What Predicts Divorce? John Mordechai Gottman, 2014-03-05 This book details years of research involving questionnaires and observations of married couples in pursuit of the determinants of both marital happiness and divorce. It will be of interest to family and clinical psychologists and methodologists. |
4 horseman of communication: Blink Malcolm Gladwell, 2007-04-03 From the #1 bestselling author of The Bomber Mafia, the landmark book that has revolutionized the way we understand leadership and decision making. In his breakthrough bestseller The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell redefined how we understand the world around us. Now, in Blink, he revolutionizes the way we understand the world within. Blink is a book about how we think without thinking, about choices that seem to be made in an instant--in the blink of an eye--that actually aren't as simple as they seem. Why are some people brilliant decision makers, while others are consistently inept? Why do some people follow their instincts and win, while others end up stumbling into error? How do our brains really work--in the office, in the classroom, in the kitchen, and in the bedroom? And why are the best decisions often those that are impossible to explain to others? In Blink we meet the psychologist who has learned to predict whether a marriage will last, based on a few minutes of observing a couple; the tennis coach who knows when a player will double-fault before the racket even makes contact with the ball; the antiquities experts who recognize a fake at a glance. Here, too, are great failures of blink: the election of Warren Harding; New Coke; and the shooting of Amadou Diallo by police. Blink reveals that great decision makers aren't those who process the most information or spend the most time deliberating, but those who have perfected the art of thin-slicing--filtering the very few factors that matter from an overwhelming number of variables. |
4 horseman of communication: Horse, Follow Closely Gawani Pony Boy, 2006-03-01 • An insightful and meaningful reader about relationship training methods between man and horse • Features an overview of how horses came to live with Native Americans and the impact on their lives • Provides philosophies and techniques for relationship training methods • Also includes Native American stories and legends about their special relationships with their horses |
4 horseman of communication: The Snowball Effect Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, 2014 Imagine overcoming obstacles, moving past the pain, and feeling hopeful about your situation and your future. That is The Snowball E?ect in action! Filled with compelling case examples and personal stories, educator and psychotherapist Kristin Barton Cuthriell shows us how to: Let go of resentment, harsh self-judgments, and explosive reactions. Face our fears and live our dreams without becoming overwhelmed. Have better relationships with others. Take baby steps to move forward though life. Live with gratitude and fully appreciate the moment. The Snowball Effect offers a unique perspective on what it takes to move forward through life in the most productive and positive way. -Chrisanna Northrup, New York Times bestseller I highly recommend this book...the lessons provide specific and precise tools for people wanting to clear out the negative and learn to focus on the positive gifts in life. -Marney A. White, PhD, MS, Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine |
4 horseman of communication: Storyjacking Lyssa Danehy deHart, 2017-05 StoryJacking is a seven-step guide to help you reclaim a fundamental truth: You are whole, capable, resourceful, and creative. It explores the choices you make, the reactions and responses you have to the life you are living, and how the very way you view your life experiences comes directly from the stories you are telling yourself. |
4 horseman of communication: Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage John Gottman, PhD, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, Joan DeClaire, 2007-06-26 In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, marital psychologists John and Julie Gottman provide vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track. Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans’ work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that’s headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading. |
4 horseman of communication: The Mathematics of Marriage John M. Gottman, James D. Murray, Catherine C. Swanson, Rebecca Tyson, Kristin R. Swanson, 2005-01-14 Divorce rates are at an all-time high. But without a theoretical understanding of the processes related to marital stability and dissolution, it is difficult to design and evaluate new marriage interventions. The Mathematics of Marriage provides the foundation for a scientific theory of marital relations. The book does not rely on metaphors, but develops and applies a mathematical model using difference equations. The work is the fulfillment of the goal to build a mathematical framework for the general system theory of families first suggested by Ludwig Von Bertalanffy in the 1960s.The book also presents a complete introduction to the mathematics involved in theory building and testing, and details the development of experiments and models. In one marriage experiment, for example, the authors explored the effects of lowering or raising a couple's heart rates. Armed with their mathematical model, they were able to do real experiments to determine which processes were affected by their interventions. Applying ideas such as phase space, null clines, influence functions, inertia, and uninfluenced and influenced stable steady states (attractors), the authors show how other researchers can use the methods to weigh their own data with positive and negative weights. While the focus is on modeling marriage, the techniques can be applied to other types of psychological phenomena as well. |
4 horseman of communication: True Unity Milly Hunt Porter, 2021-06 Tom Dorrance has been referred to as the horse's lawyer. Tom gives the horse credit for his knowledge of the horses feelings and problems. He says, What I know about the horse I learned from the horse. In True Unity Tom shares some of these ideas to help achieve a true unity for human and horse. |
4 horseman of communication: BoJack Horseman: The Art Before the Horse Chris McDonnell, 2018-09-04 Netflix’s BoJack Horseman has quickly become one of the most critically acclaimed animated comedy series in recent memory. Set in an off-kilter, cynically spun rendering of modern-day Hollywood, the show follows washed-up horse actor BoJack Horseman (voiced by Will Arnett) as he attempts to turn his life around. BoJack Horseman: The Art Before the Horse is the official behind-the-scenes companion to this cult-hit series. Part oral history sourced from original interviews with the show’s cast and crew, part art book—including sketches, storyboards, and background art—this book will trace the series from conception to post-production. Beginning with the initial development of creator/ showrunner Raphael Bob-Waksberg and production designer Lisa Hanawalt’s inimitable aesthetic vision, The Art Before the Horse goes on to reveal all of the moving parts—direction, writing, casting, animation, and music—that come together to form this uniquely bleak, emotionally potent, very funny show. Also Available: BoJack Horseman 2019 Wall Calendar (ISBN: 978-1-4197-3177-8) |
4 horseman of communication: Mindful Horsemanship Cheryl Kimball, 2002 This is a perpetual calendar of thought-provoking quotes that Cheryl has collected over the years in her quest for better horsemanship. Quotes are drawn from sources ranging from practising horsemen and horsewomen, to psychiatrists such as Viktor Frankl, sports figures like Tiger Woods, characters in novels, and even jokes and word puzzles. The author accompanies each quote with thoughts on how the quote relates to working with horses, including anecdotes from her own horse life as well as insights gleaned from horse clinics around the country. None are intended to be prescriptive, but instead to provide jumping off points for each reader to come up with her or his own thoughts on how the quote might apply to horsemanship and how it might better the reader's own understanding of and ability to be aware, to be mindful, to be in the moment. Horses are masters at mindfulness, experiencing their lives one moment at a time. They have a lot to teach humans if we are only willing to explore their world on their terms and expand our own awareness to better understand these gracious animals. Keep this book by your bedside or next to the place where you have your morning coffee for a daily dose of inspiration. |
4 horseman of communication: Zombies in Western Culture John Vervaeke, Christopher Mastropietro, Filip Miscevic, 2017-06-15 Why has the zombie become such a pervasive figure in twenty-first-century popular culture? John Vervaeke, Christopher Mastropietro and Filip Miscevic seek to answer this question by arguing that particular aspects of the zombie, common to a variety of media forms, reflect a crisis in modern Western culture. The authors examine the essential features of the zombie, including mindlessness, ugliness and homelessness, and argue that these reflect the outlook of the contemporary West and its attendant zeitgeists of anxiety, alienation, disconnection and disenfranchisement. They trace the relationship between zombies and the theme of secular apocalypse, demonstrating that the zombie draws its power from being a perversion of the Christian mythos of death and resurrection. Symbolic of a lost Christian worldview, the zombie represents a world that can no longer explain itself, nor provide us with instructions for how to live within it. The concept of 'domicide' or the destruction of home is developed to describe the modern crisis of meaning that the zombie both represents and reflects. This is illustrated using case studies including the relocation of the Anishinaabe of the Grassy Narrows First Nation, and the upheaval of population displacement in the Hellenistic period. Finally, the authors invoke and reformulate symbols of the four horseman of the apocalypse as rhetorical analogues to frame those aspects of contemporary collapse that elucidate the horror of the zombie. Zombies in Western Culture: A Twenty-First Century Crisis is required reading for anyone interested in the phenomenon of zombies in contemporary culture. It will also be of interest to an interdisciplinary audience including students and scholars of culture studies, semiotics, philosophy, religious studies, eschatology, anthropology, Jungian studies, and sociology. |
4 horseman of communication: A Lasting Promise Scott M. Stanley, Daniel Trathen, Savanna McCain, B. Milton Bryan, 2014-01-07 The revised edition of the bestselling Christian guide to a happy marriage For more than fifteen years, Scott Stanley's A Lasting Promise has offered solutions to common problems—facing conflicts, problem solving, improving communication, and dealing with core issues—within a Christian framework. Thoroughly revised and updated, this new edition is filled with sacred teachings of scripture, the latest research on marriage, and clear examples from the lives of couples. The book's strategies are designed to help couples improve communication, understand commitment, bring more fun into their relationship, and enhance their sex lives. Lead author Scott Stanley is co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and coauthor of Fighting for Your Marriage, which has sold more than a million copies. Offers reflections on how to enhance anyone's marriage over the long term and avoid divorce Covers recent cultural shifts, such as dealing with the endless technological distraction and issues with social networking New themes include the chemistry of love, the life-long implications of having bodies, and how to support one another emotionally Uses illustrative examples from couples’ lives and rich integration of insights from scripture This important book offers an invaluable resource for all couples who want to honor and preserve the holy sacrament of their union. |
4 horseman of communication: The Five Horsemen of the Modern World Daniel Callahan, 2016-05-10 In recent decades, we have seen five perilous and interlocking trends dominate global discourse: irreversible climate change, extreme food and water shortages, rising chronic illnesses, and rampant obesity. Why can't we make any progress in counteracting these problems despite vast expenditures of intellectual, institutional, and social capital? What makes these global emergencies the wicked problems that resist our best efforts and only grow more daunting? Daniel Callahan, noted author and the nation's preeminent scholar in bioethics, examines these global problems and shines a light on the institutions, practices, and actors that block major change. We see partisan political and ideological forces, old-fashioned hucksters, and trumped-up scientific disagreements but also the problem of modern progress itself. Obesity, anthropogenic climate change, degenerative diseases, ecological degradation, and global famine are often the unintended consequences of unchecked industrial growth, insatiable eating habits, and technologically extended life spans. Only through well-crafted political, regulatory, industrial, and cultural counterstrategies can we change enough minds to check these threats. With big thinking on issues that are usually evaluated separately, this book is sure to scramble partisan divides and provoke unusual, heated debate. |
4 horseman of communication: How to Not Die Alone Logan Ury, 2021-02-02 A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. |
4 horseman of communication: Developing the Art of Equine Communication C. L. "Lee" Anderson, 2012-06-01 Of benefit to all equine ownersNnovice and seasoned riders alikeNthis resource re-introduces valuable, lost knowledge and discloses many of the secrets of the famed horse whisperers. Anderson's explanations and analogies unveil many overlooked and forgotten practices that can help explain and solve many equine issues that so often baffle horse owners. |
4 horseman of communication: Natural Horse-man-ship Pat Parelli, Kathy Kadash, Kathy Swan, Karen Parelli, 2003-02-01 The horse- and rider-training handbook of an internationally renowned master horseman. |
4 horseman of communication: Principia Amoris John Mordechai Gottman, 2014-10-10 Stereotypically, science and emotion are diametric opposites: one is cold and unfeeling, the other soft and nebulous; one is based on proven facts while the other is based on inexplicable feelings and “never the twain shall meet,” until now. John Gottman delves into the unquantifiable realm of love, armed with science and logic, and emerges with the knowledge that relationships can be not only understood, but also predicted as well. Based on research done at his Love Lab and other laboratories, Gottman has discovered that the future of love relationships can be predicted with a startling 91% success rate. These predictions can help couples to prevent disasters in their relationships, recognize the signs of a promising relationship, and perhaps more importantly, recognize the signs of a doomed one. Principia Amoris also introduces Love Equations, a mathematical modeling of relationships that helps understand predictions. Love Equations are powerful tools that can prevent relationship distress and heal ailing relationships. Readers learn about the various research and studies that were done to discover the science behind love, and are treated to a history of the people, ideas, and events that shaped our current understanding. They also learn about: • The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” • 45 natural principles of love • 5 couple types • 5 recipes for good relationships • And much more! Just as science helped us to understand the physical world, it is helping us to understand the emotional world as well. Using the insights in this book, mental health professionals can meaningfully help their distressed clients, as well as better understand why a relationship is failing or succeeding. Appropriate for the curious non-mental health professional as well, Principia Amoris is a must-have on any bookshelf! |
4 horseman of communication: I Want This to Work Elizabeth Earnshaw, 2023-06-13 A contemporary, culturally inclusive, and easy-to-digest relationship book for the modern age Today’s generation is changing the rules about committed relationships—and looking to create more meaning within their lives. We are more selective before getting married, with more diverse families and family structures, and we’ve seen a significant drop in divorce rates. In this new environment, what couples need more than ever are effective, flexible tools to communicate, navigate hard times, and create deeper connections with each other. Renowned Gottman therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents her most timely and proven steps for relationship success. “We’re in a cultural moment,” she says, “where people are hungry to absorb the principles for healthy relationships. This book answers that call.” Here, couples will learn how to work with the three challenges they must tackle to repair and strengthen their relationships: conflict, healing, and connection. In a supportive and relatable voice, Elizabeth simplifies complex concepts and provides core insights, exercises, and reflections to take these tested principles from the page and into real life. Culturally tuned in, LGBTQIA+ friendly, and written for both married and unmarried couples, this new paperback edition of I Want This to Work brings us an accessible guide to relationship healing and creating enduring intimacy. |
4 horseman of communication: Delta CX Angie Born, Tanya Netayavichitr, Debbie Levitt, 2019-09-19 Delta CX is a refreshing model bringing CX and UX together in task and in name with the key goal of improving the products, services, and experiences (PSE) that we offer our potential and current customers. Rather than following trends or drinking the snake oil, Delta CX presents a time-tested, thorough approach that helps you establish values, vision, strategies, and goals. Great PSE require the right teams and strategies in place to proactively predict and mitigate the risk of delivering wrong or flawed PSE. Adopting Delta CX means we all finally speak the same language, from tasks and deliverables to job titles and required skills to where CX fits into Agile organizations to processes and teams. Calculate the ROI of investing more time and resources into building the right PSE the first time. Save time, money, and sanity. Replace guessing and assumptions with Lean customer research that is planned, conducted, and interpreted by experts. Learn why quality should be our #1 priority, and how to rededicate our organization to our external and internal customers.Target audiences: Managers, workers, practitioners, freelancers, consultants, contractors, execs, stakeholders, and everybody else working in CX, UX, Marketing, Product Management, Engineering, Project Management. Business Analysts (BAs), Data Scientists, Writers, Visual Designers, Information Architects, Interaction Designers, Product Designers, and Researchers.The long and problem-focused version: In an era of faster, faster, faster, our workplaces are sacrificing quality, collaboration, culture, and the customer experience to just ship it. Business goals don't seem to align with customers' needs. Customers constantly raise their standards and expectations, and they notice when companies are out of touch or get it wrong. Competitors, investors, shareholders, the press, bloggers, social media, and Wall Street also notice. Brands are being surprised when their products, services, and experiences (PSE) are disliked or rejected by customers, or go viral for the wrong reasons. Companies claim they are customer-focused, user-centric, and designing for the needs of real customers. Initiatives to increase the ability to build the right PSE should have meant hiring more CX and UX talent. However, with UX still misunderstood, circumvented, overruled, and excluded at many companies, workplaces that didn't know how to assess CX and UX talent hired anybody who put UX on their resume. Poor hiring choices lead to silos and bad design. Rather than wondering if UX workers were unqualified, leadership blamed UX and User-Centered Design (UCD): They must be bloated, outdated, not Lean, not Agile things we don't really need. We started imagining that everybody can be a designer. Get people sketching in design sprints, and solve our company's biggest challenges. We called for democratization and decentralization of UX and design because perhaps taking some power away from these high-ego UX people we hired will fix this. Suddenly, everybody was a design thinker doing design thinking, yet few people can agree on what design thinking is.Everybody became quietly desperate. UX practitioners wanted to evangelize, and invited teammates to UX evangelism presentations, which often backfired. Companies of all sizes and ages, including Fortune 500s, tried methodologies designed for startups. Startups fail roughly 95% of the time. It's so rare that they innovate or build something the public actually wants. Why would we want to emulate a segment with such a high failure rate? We're lost. We need another business transformation, a return to prioritizing the quality of what we ideate, architect, design, test, build, and unleash on the public.(Return to the top for the short and happy version.) |
4 horseman of communication: A Couple's Guide to Communication John Mordechai Gottman, 1976 This book is designed to help couples with communication and that in turn will help their relationship both socially and sexually. |
4 horseman of communication: Schneier on Security Bruce Schneier, 2009-03-16 Presenting invaluable advice from the world?s most famous computer security expert, this intensely readable collection features some of the most insightful and informative coverage of the strengths and weaknesses of computer security and the price people pay -- figuratively and literally -- when security fails. Discussing the issues surrounding things such as airplanes, passports, voting machines, ID cards, cameras, passwords, Internet banking, sporting events, computers, and castles, this book is a must-read for anyone who values security at any level -- business, technical, or personal. |
4 horseman of communication: Difficult Conversations Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, 2023-08-22 The 10th-anniversary edition of the New York Times business bestseller-now updated with Answers to Ten Questions People Ask We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you'll learn how to: · Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation · Start a conversation without defensiveness · Listen for the meaning of what is not said · Stay balanced in the face of attacks and accusations · Move from emotion to productive problem solving |
4 horseman of communication: Western Practice Lessons Charlene Strickland, 2000 This highly visual collection of riding exercises will build specific Western riding skills and foster greater communication between horse and rider. Effective step-by-step lessons feature a complete description of gaits and movements, purpose and benefits, analysis and instructions, cautions, and tips for better performance. |
4 horseman of communication: Corrupt Penelope Douglas, 2023-11-07 Dreams might be a heart’s desire, but nightmares are its obsession in the first novel of a dark romance series from New York Times bestselling author Penelope Douglas. Erika Fane’s boyfriend's older brother is handsome, strong, and completely terrifying. The star of his college's basketball team gone pro, he's more concerned with the dirt on his shoe than he is with her. But she saw him. She heard him. The things that he did, and the deeds that he hid... For years, Erika bit her nails, unable to look away. Now, she’s in college, but she hasn’t stopped watching him. He’s bad and the things she’s seen aren’t content to stay in her head anymore. Because he's finally noticed her. But Michael Crist knows the hold he has on Rika, how much she fears him. She looks down when he enters the room and stills when he’s close. He knows she thinks only of him. When Michael’s brother leaves for the military, leaving Rika alone and unprotected, he knows the opportunity is too good to be true. Three years ago she put Michael’s friends in prison, and now they’re free. Every last one of her nightmares is about to come true. |
4 horseman of communication: A Voice for the Horse John Saint Ryan, 2018-12 More than three decades of serious study, research and teaching are brought to light in this book.The work I show here is the direct result of those experiences and my love of the horse.I have been very fortunate in having some excellent tuition and coaching from many world-class teachers in many different disciplines. Throughout all I will often refer to my time with Tom Dorrance, who despite never having taken a lesson from a human in his life about horses, still accomplished more than any man I know with regard to understanding how a horse thinks and behaves.Tom once said A lot of people ask me to teach them how to do something. I say, I can't teach you anything. I might be able to help you learn to do something, if you want to learn it, but it has to come from you.I hope this book will shine a light in the right direction.JSR |
4 horseman of communication: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.” |
4 horseman of communication: The Remarriage Manual Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, 2020-02-18 The 10 Keys to a Successful Remarriage Winner of the 2022 Independent Publisher Book Award in Gold for Self Help Winner of American Book Fest’s 2020 Best Book Award in “Self-Help: Relationships” Based on the author’s personal experience, over 30 years of clinical practice, knowledge from leading marriage and remarriage researchers, and 100 in-depth interviews of remarried people, The Remarriage Manual offers 10 essential keys to a successful remarriage: Build a Culture of Appreciation, Respect, and Tolerance. Negativity is toxic. Personal growth and love are possible when you can express appreciation through positive words and actions. Make Your Remarriage a Top Priority. Never underestimate the power of intentional time with your partner to increase physical and emotional intimacy. Ditch the Baggage from Your First Marriage. Learn ways to be more reflective and less reactive to triggers that hit raw spots or vulnerabilities stemming from prior relationships. Don’t Keep Secrets about Money. Remarried couples face complicated financial issues such as unequal assets, child support, alimony, and education costs for children and stepchildren. Honesty and full disclosure about finances are essential. Don’t Let Mistrust Stop You from Being Vulnerable and Emotionally Intimate. Learn that vulnerability and trust go hand in hand and the steps you can take to be authentic and intimate with your partner so you can achieve long-lasting love. Get Sexy and Fall in Love All Over Again. Given the stressors of a second marriage, it can be particularly challenging to stay sexually intimate. Yet moments of connection, such as touching, talking, or making love, are all part of the glue that holds a second marriage together. Don’t Make a Big Deal about Nothing . . . but Do Deal with Important Issues. Differences in beliefs, expectations, and conversational styles can cause you to blow things out of proportion and tune each other out. Effective communication will help you overcome these types of misunderstandings. Manage the Flames of Conflict. You can’t avoid disagreements entirely. What you can do, however, is learn how to manage them successfully to avoid the “blame game” so that they can nourish rather than drain your remarriage. Embrace Your Role as a Stepparent and Create Positive Stepfamily Memories. There is no such thing as instant love in a stepfamily. When biological parents are involved, the relationships can get even trickier. Learn to adjust to your role as a stepparent—the chances of a second marriage succeeding go way up when both partners adopt an attitude of “we’re in this together.” Say You’re Sorry and Mean It. Studies show that apologizing to your partner for hurting their feelings and granting forgiveness are crucial to the success of a second marriage. It’s essential that remarried couples learn the value of sincere apologies and forgiveness. Drawing on the experiences of dozens of couples and remarriage scenarios, Terry Gaspard shows you how to bring each key home and set up your relationship for lasting success. Whether you are thinking of remarrying and concerned about going the distance or are already remarried and struggling, The Remarriage Manual provides the expert advice, practical tools, hope, and inspiration you need to prevent challenges from becoming deal breakers. The 10 keys provided here will help put you and your spouse on solid footing; keep the flame between you burning bright; and build a deeply trusting, loving, and sustainable connection for the long haul. |
4 horseman of communication: The Man who Listens to Horses Monty Roberts, 1997-01-01 The author discusses his unconventional and gentle equine training methods, his unique ability to communicate with horses, and the applications of his communication skills in the corporate world |
4 horseman of communication: True Horsemanship Through Feel Bill Dorrance, Leslie Desmond, 2014-05-20 A refreshingly straightforward and commonsense approach to better communication with your horse--and therefore, better horsemanship. |
4 horseman of communication: It's For The Horses Dutch Henry, 2015-05-04 Dutch Henry is on a mission to help people see their horses with new eyes, to listen with new ears, to touch their lives with greater sensitivity and awareness. It has often been said that our horses are our greatest teachers. Dutch Henry, who has opened his heart, mind and soul to the horse, is living proof of that statement. Enjoy the learning as we join Dutch on a remarkable journey. ~ Bobbie Jo Lieberman-Editor-in-Chief, trailBLAZER magazine Dutch Henry finds joy as he guides the horse/human relationship closer to and into this space. This project compiles Dutch Henry's years of experience gathering helpful-sometimes life-altering-exercises for the horse. This ability to help the horse sometimes reciprocates in a life-altering shift in the human. Dutch has found and follows the guidance of horse professionals who honor that which he honors. These exercises are based on the truth of the whole horse-emotional, mental, physical. Enjoy the wonderful way of Dutch Henry's writing. Enjoy soaking in this supportive way with your horse. Enjoy the shift in you and your horse's relationship.~ Diane J. Sept, Connected Riding Senior instructor and owner of Back To Basics Equine Awareness In this book Dutch covers what we can do to become better guardians for our equines by understanding their needs, truly encompassing mind, body and soul. I think that if horses could write, they would have compiled a book like this! It's For the Horses is a passionate, highly useful resource for all people who want to do right by the equines in their life. This book belongs in every horse person's library, but best kept within close reach as it is a book to be referred back to often.~ Lisa Ross-Williams, Publisher/Editor-In-Chief, Natural Horse Magazine and author of the award-winning book, Down-To-Earth Natural Horse Care. I believe that things would immediately improve for every horse on this planet if we could effect one simple little change, one tiny little shift in perspective. Dutch Henry believes this as well and that is why I so strongly recommend his latest book, It's For the Horses. Because if we could convince every horse owner on the planet to make every decision about their horses from the perspective of the horse, then everything would change immediately. Relationship, training and the health and happiness of the horse. Kathleen and I have proven it. Dutch Henry has proven it. And everything he has written in It's For the Horses will lift you closer and closer to those goals. And closer and closer to your horses. Read it. You will not regret it. Nor will your horses. ~ Joe Camp, author of the national best-seller, The Soul of a Horse-Life Lessons from the Herd and its Amazon #1 best-selling sequel Born Wild-The Soul of a Horse |
4 horseman of communication: To Love, Honor, and Vacuum Sheila Wray Gregoire, 2014 Sheila speaks to both the heart and habits of the woman who is wife and mother. The lessons in this book are biblical, doable, and affordable!--Margaret B. Buchanan From advertisements to mommy blogs to Pinterest, scenes of domestic bliss abound, painting a picture of perfection and expectation nearly impossible to live up to. Why can't you work a full-time job, stylishly clothe yourself and your children, plan a party for twelve with handmade decorations, keep your house sparkling clean without chemicals, and bake a gourmet meal in the same day? Everyone else is doing it! For many women, housework has become more than chores that need to be done; it is a symbol of identity. Sheila Wray Gregoire wants to stop that thinking in its tracks and help women back to a life of balance--for their sakes and for their families. She encourages women to shift their focus from housekeeping to relationships and shows them how to foster responsibility and respect in all family members. The second edition retains the helpful, concrete advice on everyday situations such as strategies for tackling chores and budgets and tips on effective communication, while incorporating the wisdom Sheila has gained through her interaction with thousands of readers of her blog and through her speaking ministry over the past ten years. Through the principles in To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, Gregoire promises readers they can grow and thrive in the midst of their hectic lives--even if their circumstances stay the same. |
April 8, 2025-KB5054980 Cumulative Update for .NET Framework 3.5 an…
Apr 8, 2025 · The March 25, 2025 update for Windows 11, version 22H2 and Windows 11, version 23H2 includes security and cumulative reliability improvements in .NET Framework 3.5 and 4.8.1. We recommend …
April 22, 2025-KB5057056 Cumulative Update for .NET Frame…
Apr 22, 2025 · This article describes the security and cumulative update for 3.5, 4.8 and 4.8.1 for Windows 10 Version 22H2. Security Improvements There are no new security improvements in this release. This …
April 25, 2025-KB5056579 Cumulative Update for .NET Frame…
The April 25, 2025 update for Windows 11, version 24H2 includes security and cumulative reliability improvements in .NET Framework 3.5 and 4.8.1. We recommend that you apply this update as part of your …
Microsoft .NET Framework 4.8 offline installer for Windows
Download the Microsoft .NET Framework 4.8 offline installer package now. For Windows RT 8.1: Download the Microsoft .NET Framework 4.8 package now. For more information about how to download Microsoft support files, …
G1/4螺纹尺寸是多大? - 百度知道
Sep 27, 2024 · g1/4螺纹的尺寸大径为13.157毫米,小径为11.445毫米,中径为12.7175毫米,螺距为1.337毫米,牙高为0.856毫米。 G1/4螺纹是一种英制管螺纹,其中“G”代表管螺纹,而&ldquo
April 8, 2025-KB5054980 Cumulative Update for .NET F…
Apr 8, 2025 · The March 25, 2025 update for Windows 11, version 22H2 and Windows 11, version 23H2 includes security and cumulative reliability improvements in .NET Framework …
April 22, 2025-KB5057056 Cumulative Update for .NET F…
Apr 22, 2025 · This article describes the security and cumulative update for 3.5, 4.8 and 4.8.1 for Windows 10 Version 22H2. Security Improvements There are no new security improvements in …
April 25, 2025-KB5056579 Cumulative Update for .NET F…
The April 25, 2025 update for Windows 11, version 24H2 includes security and cumulative reliability improvements in .NET Framework 3.5 and 4.8.1. We recommend that you apply this …
Microsoft .NET Framework 4.8 offline installer for Windows
Download the Microsoft .NET Framework 4.8 offline installer package now. For Windows RT 8.1: Download the Microsoft .NET Framework 4.8 package now. For more information …
G1/4螺纹尺寸是多大? - 百度知道
Sep 27, 2024 · g1/4螺纹的尺寸大径为13.157毫米,小径为11.445毫米,中径为12.7175毫米,螺距为1.337毫米,牙高为0.856毫米。 G1/4螺纹是一种英制管螺纹,其中“G”代表管螺 …