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| esther perel questions for couples: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.” |
| esther perel questions for couples: Mating in Captivity Esther Perel, 2007-10-30 One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Conversation Theodore Zeldin, 2000 Approaches the subject of conversation in a sophisticated, thought-provoking manner, explaining what kind of talk charmed and excited people in the past, why conversation is different today and what it could be like in the future. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The School of Greatness Lewis Howes, 2015-10-27 When a career-ending injury left elite athlete and professional football player Lewis Howes out of work and living on his sister’s couch, he decided he needed to make a change for the better. He started by reaching out to people he admired, searching for mentors, and applying his past coaches’ advice from sports to life off the field. Lewis did more than bounce back: He built a multimillion-dollar online business and is now a sought-after business coach, speaker, and podcast host. In The School of Greatness, Howes shares the essential tips and habits he gathered in interviewing “the greats” on his wildly popular podcast of the same name. In discussion with people like Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson and Pencils of Promise CEO Adam Braun, Howes figured out that greatness is unearthed and cultivated from within. The masters of greatness are not successful because they got lucky or are innately more talented, but because they applied specific habits and tools to embrace and overcome adversity in their lives. A framework for personal development, The School of Greatness gives you the tools, knowledge, and actionable resources you need to reach your potential. Howes anchors each chapter with a specific lesson he culled from his greatness “professors” and his own experiences to teach you how to create a vision, develop hustle, and use dedication, mindfulness, joy, and love to reach goals. His lessons and practical exercises prove that anyone is capable of achieving success and that we can all strive for greatness in our everyday lives. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Traumatic Narcissism and Recovery Daniel Shaw, 2021-07-27 This book looks at the trauma suffered by those in relationships with narcissists, covering topics such as surviving a cult, dysfunctional families, political dysfunction, and imbalances of power in places of work and education. This new volume by author and psychoanalyst Daniel Shaw revisits themes from his first book, Traumatic Narcissism: Relational Systems of Subjugation. Shaw offers further reflections on the character and behavior of the traumatizing narcissist, the impact such persons have on those they abuse and exploit and the specific ways in which they instill shame and fear in those they seek to control. In addition, this volume explores, with detailed clinical material, many of the challenges mental health professionals face in finding effective ways of helping those who have suffered narcissistic abuse. From within a trauma informed, relational psychoanalytic perspective, Shaw explores themes of attachment to internalized perpetrators, self-alienation, internalized aggression, and loss of faith in the value and meaning of being alive. This book will be especially illuminating and rewarding for mental health professionals engaged in helping patients heal and recover from complex relational trauma, and equally valuable to those individuals who have struggled with the tenacious, often crippling shame and fear that can be the result of relational trauma. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Anatomy of Love Helen E. Fisher, 1992 An exploration of human behavior examines the innate aspects of love, sex, and marriage, discussing flirting behavior, courting postures, the brain chemistry of attraction, divorce and adultery in societies around the world, and more. Reprint. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn, 2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Unbound Kasia Urbaniak, 2021-03-09 The ultimate guide to owning your power--and mastering how to use it. How can so many women feel good and mad yet still reluctant to speak up in a meeting or difficult conversation? Why do women often feel like they're too much--and, at the same time, not enough? What causes us, at the most critical moments in our lives, to freeze? Kasia Urbaniak teaches power to women--and her answers to these questions may surprise you. Based on insights from her experiences as a dominatrix, her training to become a Taoist nun, and the countless women she has taught to expand their influence, this book offers precise, practical instruction in how to stand in your power, find your voice, and use it well. Learn how to: Embrace your desires as the pathway to your destiny. Ask for--and get--what you need in your life, work, and in the bedroom. Skillfully navigate hearing no and any resistance, even your own. Flip power dynamics when someone crosses your boundaries and puts you on the spot. Create new and expanded roles for the people in your life with precise, targeted asks. Whether you're getting crystal clear on exactly what you want, or turning the tables on a man who has shut you up and shut you down, Urbaniak's methods teach women to stand for themselves in every interaction. Part manual, part manifesto, part behind the scenes look, Unbound is a how-to guide to the impossible, the outrageous, the unimaginable--a field guide to living your wildest, best, and most satisfying life. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Collective Trauma, Collective Healing Jack Saul, 2022-01-31 Collective Trauma, Collective Healing is a guide for mental health professionals working in response to large-scale political violence or natural disaster. It provides a framework that practitioners can use to develop their own community-based, collective approach to treating trauma and providing clinical services that are both culturally and contextually appropriate. The classic edition includes a new preface from the author reflecting on changes to the field and the world since the book’s initial publication. The book draws on experience working with survivors, their families, and communities in the Holocaust, post-war Kosovo, the Liberian civil wars, and post-9/11 Lower Manhattan. It tracks the development of community programs and projects based on a family and community resilience approach, including those that enhance the collective capacities for narration and public conversation. Clinicians and community practitioners will come away from Collective Trauma, Collective Healing with a solid understanding of new roles they may play in disasters—roles that encourage them to recognize and enhance the resilience and coping skills in families, organizations, and the community at large. |
| esther perel questions for couples: How to Not Die Alone Logan Ury, 2021-02-02 A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The End of Love Eva Illouz, 2021-09-15 Western culture has endlessly represented the ways in which love miraculously erupts in people’s lives, the mythical moment in which one knows someone is destined for us, the feverish waiting for a phone call or an email, the thrill that runs down our spine at the mere thought of him or her. Yet, a culture that has so much to say about love is virtually silent on the no less mysterious moments when we avoid falling in love, where we fall out of love, when the one who kept us awake at night now leaves us indifferent, or when we hurry away from those who excited us a few months or even a few hours before. In The End of Love, Eva Illouz documents the multifarious ways in which relationships end. She argues that if modern love was once marked by the freedom to enter sexual and emotional bonds according to one’s will and choice, contemporary love has now become characterized by practices of non-choice, the freedom to withdraw from relationships. Illouz dubs this process by which relationships fade, evaporate, dissolve, and break down “unloving.” While sociology has classically focused on the formation of social bonds, The End of Love makes a powerful case for studying why and how social bonds collapse and dissolve. Particularly striking is the role that capitalism plays in practices of non-choice and “unloving.” The unmaking of social bonds, she argues, is connected to contemporary capitalism which is characterized by practices of non-commitment and non-choice, practices that enable the quick withdrawal from a transaction and the quick realignment of prices and the breaking of loyalties. Unloving and non-choice have in turn a profound impact on society and economics as they explain why people may be having fewer children, increasingly living alone, and having less sex. The End of Love presents a profound and original analysis of the effects of capitalism and consumer culture on personal relationships and of what the dissolution of personal relationships means for capitalism. |
| esther perel questions for couples: How to Fix a Broken Heart Guy Winch, 2018-02-13 Imagine if we treated broken hearts with the same respect and concern we have for broken arms? Psychologist Guy Winch urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted. Real heartbreak is unmistakable. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else. We care about nothing else. Yet while we wouldn’t expect someone to return to daily activities immediately after suffering a broken limb, heartbroken people are expected to function normally in their lives, despite the emotional pain they feel. Now psychologist Guy Winch imagines how different things would be if we paid more attention to this unique emotion—if only we can understand how heartbreak works, we can begin to fix it. Through compelling research and new scientific studies, Winch reveals how and why heartbreak impacts our brain and our behavior in dramatic and unexpected ways, regardless of our age. Emotional pain lowers our ability to reason, to think creatively, to problem solve, and to function at our best. In How to Fix a Broken Heart he focuses on two types of emotional pain—romantic heartbreak and the heartbreak that results from the loss of a cherished pet. These experiences are both accompanied by severe grief responses, yet they are not deemed as important as, for example, a formal divorce or the loss of a close relative. As a result, we are often deprived of the recognition, support, and compassion afforded to those whose heartbreak is considered more significant. Our heart might be broken, but we do not have to break with it. Winch reveals that recovering from heartbreak always starts with a decision, a determination to move on when our mind is fighting to keep us stuck. We can take control of our lives and our minds and put ourselves on the path to healing. Winch offers a toolkit on how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to, eventually, move on. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Mask of Masculinity Lewis Howes, 2017-10-31 ‘This is one of the most important topics today that seemingly no one is talking about: how men can take care of their emotional health in a 21st century that demands it. Crucial reading for any young or struggling man.’ - Mark Manson, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck At 30 years old, Lewis Howes was outwardly thriving but unfulfilled inside. He was a successful athlete and businessman, achieving goals beyond his wildest dreams, but he felt empty, angry, frustrated, and always chasing something that was never enough. His whole identity had been built on misguided beliefs about what masculinity was. Howes began a personal journey to find inner peace and to uncover the many masks that men – young and old – wear. In The Mask of Masculinity, Howes exposes: · The ultimate emptiness of the Material Mask, the man who chases wealth above all things; · The cowering vulnerability that hides behind the Joker and Stoic Masks of men who never show real emotion; and · The destructiveness of the Invincible and Aggressive Masks worn by men who take insane risks or can never back down from a fight. He teaches men how to break through the walls that hold them back and shows women how they can better understand the men in their lives. It's not easy, but if you want to love, be loved and live a great life, then it's an odyssey of self-discovery that all modern men must make. This book is a must-read for every man – and for every woman who loves a man. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman, PhD, Nan Silver, 2015-05-05 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. |
| esther perel questions for couples: I Don't Want to Talk About It Terrence Real, 1999-03-11 A bestseller for over 20 years, I Don’t Want to Talk About It is a groundbreaking and hopeful guide to understanding and destigmatizing male depression, essential not only for men who may be suffering but for the people who love them. Twenty years of experience treating men and their families has convinced psychotherapist Terrence Real that depression is a silent epidemic in men—that men hide their condition from family, friends, and themselves to avoid the stigma of depression’s “un-manliness.” Problems that we think of as typically male—difficulty with intimacy, workaholism, alcoholism, abusive behavior, and rage—are really attempts to escape depression. And these escape attempts only hurt the people men love and pass their condition on to their children. This groundbreaking book is the “pathway out of darkness” that these men and their families seek. Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. He mixes penetrating analysis with compelling tales of his patients and even his own experiences with depression as the son of a violent, depressed father and the father of two young sons. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Love Rules Joanna Coles, 2018-04-10 For those looking for a smart, no-bullshit, effective guide to finding love, look no further.—Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity While I’m not sure what Carrie Bradshaw would have made of today’s new world of dating, I do know this: armed with Love Rules, she would have figured it all out in one season.—Sarah Jessica Parker Sheryl Sandberg empowered women to lean in. Arianna Huffington Encouraged them to thrive. Now, Joanna Coles guides them on their most important journey: finding love. Love Rules will enable you to identify what you want in a relationship, when you should pursue it, and how to find it. Just as there is junk food, there is junk love. And like junk food, junk love is fast, convenient, attractively packaged, widely available, superficially tasty—and leaves you hungering for more. And both junk food and junk love require enormous amounts of willpower to resist. Social media and online dating sites have become the supermarkets of our relationship lives. You have to wade through rows of cupcakes and potato chips to find the produce aisle, where those relationships grounded in intimacy and trust live—the ones worth your investment. A diet book for romantic relationships, Love Rules first asks women to re-assess the way they think about their relationships, and then helps them use that newfound awareness to navigate their love lives more successfully in this very modern, fast-paced—and often lonely—digital age. In these pages leading media exec and former Editor in Chief of Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire Joanna Coles provides a series of simple guidelines for finding worthwhile love: fifteen rules—love hacks. She also explains how to use dating apps effectively to expand real world connections and how to avoid DADD—dating attention—deficit disorder, where the tantalizing promise of someone better appears to be only the next swipe away. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Normal Bar Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, James Witte, 2013-02-05 Based on data obtained from nearly 100,000 respondents, here is the ultimate resource for anyone who wants to learn the relationship-tested ways couples can achieve satisfaction and contentment in areas such as communication, sex, affection, and financial cooperation. What constitutes “normal” behavior among happy couples? What steps you should take if that “normal” is one you want to strive for? To help answer those questions, wellness entrepreneur Chrisanna Northrup teamed with two of America’s top sociologists, Yale Ph.D. Pepper Schwartz and Harvard Ph.D. James Witte, to design a unique interactive survey that would draw feedback from around the world. What has resulted is the clearest picture yet of how well couples are communicating, romancing each other, satisfying each other in the bedroom, sharing financial responsibilities, and staying faithful – or not. Since the Normal Bar survey methodology sorts for age and gender, racial and geographic differences and sexual preferences, the authors are able to reveal , for example, what happens to passion as we grow older, which gender wants what when it comes to sex, the factors that spur marital combat, how kids figure in, how being gay or bisexual turns out to be both different and the same, and –regardless of background -- the tiny habits that drive partners absolutely batty. The book is dense with revelations, from the unexpected popularity of certain sexual positions, to the average number of times happy – and unhappy -- couples kiss, to the prevalence of lying, to the surprising loyalty most men and women feel for their partner (even when in a deteriorating relationship), to the vivid and idiosyncratic ways individuals of different ages, genders and nationalities describe their “ideal romantic evening.” Much more than a peek behind the relationship curtain, The Normal Bar offers readers an array of prescriptive tools that will help them establish a “new normal.” Mindful of what keeps couples stuck in ruts, the book’s authors suggest practical and life-changing ways to break cycles of disappointment and frustration. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Conscious Uncoupling Katherine Woodward Thomas, 2015-09-22 And Then They Lived Happily… We enter our romantic relationships with great love, hope, and excitement--we've found the 'one', so we plan and forge our futures together. But sometimes, for many different reasons, relationships come undone; they don't work out. Commonly, we view this as a personal failure, rather than an opportunity. And instead of honoring what we once meant to each other, we hoard bitterness and anger, stewing in shame and resentment. Sometimes even lashing out in destructive and hurtful ways, despite the fact that we’re good people at heart. That's natural: we're almost biologically primed to respond this way. Yet there is another path to the end of a relationship--one filled with mutual respect, kindness, and deep caring. Katherine Woodward Thomas's groundbreaking method, Conscious Uncoupling, provides the valuable skills and tools for you to travel this challenging terrain with these five thoughtful and thought-provoking steps: Step 1: Find Emotional Freedom Step 2: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life Step 3: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart Step 4: Become a Love Alchemist Step 5: Create Your Happy Even After Life This paradigm-shifting guide will steer you away from a bitter end and toward a new life that’s empowered and flourishing. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Polarity Management Barry Johnson, 1992 University level text. Some complex problems simply do not have solutions. The key to being an effective leader is being able to recognize and manage such problems. Polarity Management presents a unique model and set of principles that will challenge you to look at situations in new ways. Also included are exercises to strengthen your skills, and case studies to help you begin applying the model to your own unsolvable problems. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Tiny Beautiful Things Cheryl Strayed, 2012-07-10 NATIONAL BESTSELLER • Soon to be a Hulu Original series • The internationally acclaimed author of Wild collects the best of The Rumpus's Dear Sugar advice columns plus never-before-published pieces. Rich with humor and insight—and absolute honesty—this wise and compassionate (New York Times Book Review) book is a balm for everything life throws our way. Life can be hard: your lover cheats on you; you lose a family member; you can’t pay the bills—and it can be great: you’ve had the hottest sex of your life; you get that plum job; you muster the courage to write your novel. Sugar—the once-anonymous online columnist at The Rumpus, now revealed as Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling memoir Wild—is the person thousands turn to for advice. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time Stephen A. Mitchell, 2003-02-17 A beautiful and brilliant reexamination of love and its perils.—Barbara Fisher, Boston Globe Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. Those who read this book will love more wisely because of it.—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon [A] work on romance that is rich and multi-layered.—Publishers Weekly Cheerful, open, and humane—you'd definitely have wanted him as your analyst.—Judith Shulevitz, The New York Times Book Review [T]houghtful, compassionate, and profoundly optimistic.—JoAnn Gutin, Salon.com |
| esther perel questions for couples: The All-or-Nothing Marriage Eli J. Finkel, 2019-01-08 “After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...”—Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss. The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages—from the “traditional” to the utterly nontraditional—and shows how any marriage can be better. The primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one oriented toward self-discover, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try “lovehacks.” This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior Douglas Braun-Harvey, MA, MFT, CGP, CST, Michael A. Vigorito, LMFT, LCPC, CGP, 2015-11-05 Out of control sexual behavior ñ referred to variously as sex addiction, sexual compulsivity, and hypersexuality, among other terms, has been a controversial and attention-getting issue since it first captured both public and professional attention over 30 years ago. Previous discussions of this behavior have been grounded in conceptualizing it as a pathologized, medical issue on par with substance abuse addictions, or, in backlash, as simply irresponsible behavior indicating weakness in the individual. In keeping with the call from many leaders in the mental health and sexual health areas to move beyond these two polarized conceptualizations of these sexual behavior problems, the authors present a model for working with clients in both group and individual treatment settings. Based on their experience with hundreds of clients, this book provides a comprehensive and practical conceptualization of out of control sexual behavior framed as a sexual health problem within a larger model of human behavior, not a psychiatric or addictive disorder. The book includes step-by-step tools for assessment, treatment planning as well as treatment implementation. It describes a process for professionals to guide clients to define and be accountable for their own personal vision of sexual health as the foundation on which they regain sexual behavior control. The authors provide rich and varied composite case examples based on 20 years of clinical experience that demonstrate clinician sexual health treatment conversations and tools, as well as stories of hope and guidance so essential to individuals wanting to understand how sexual health can be the essential ally in changing their sexual behavior. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Book of Joy Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Carlton Abrams, 2016-09-20 An instant New York Times bestseller. Over 1 million copies sold! Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question. Nobel Peace Prize Laureates His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and the soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships—or, as they would say, because of them—they are two of the most joyful people on the planet. In April 2015, Archbishop Tutu traveled to the Dalai Lama's home in Dharamsala, India, to celebrate His Holiness's eightieth birthday and to create what they hoped would be a gift for others. They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life's inevitable suffering? They traded intimate stories, teased each other continually, and shared their spiritual practices. By the end of a week filled with laughter and punctuated with tears, these two global heroes had stared into the abyss and despair of our time and revealed how to live a life brimming with joy. This book offers us a rare opportunity to experience their astonishing and unprecedented week together, from the first embrace to the final good-bye. We get to listen as they explore the Nature of True Joy and confront each of the Obstacles of Joy—from fear, stress, and anger to grief, illness, and death. They then offer us the Eight Pillars of Joy, which provide the foundation for lasting happiness. Throughout, they include stories, wisdom, and science. Finally, they share their daily Joy Practices that anchor their own emotional and spiritual lives. The Archbishop has never claimed sainthood, and the Dalai Lama considers himself a simple monk. In this unique collaboration, they offer us the reflection of real lives filled with pain and turmoil in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, of courage, and of joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Distance Cure Hannah Zeavin, 2021-08-17 Psychotherapy across distance and time, from Freud’s treatments by mail to crisis hotlines, radio call-ins, chatbots, and Zoom sessions. Therapy has long understood itself as taking place in a room, with two (or more) people engaged in person-to-person conversation. And yet, starting with Freud’s treatments by mail, psychotherapy has operated through multiple communication technologies and media. These have included advice columns, radio broadcasts, crisis hotlines, video, personal computers, and mobile phones; the therapists (broadly defined) can be professional or untrained, strangers or chatbots. In The Distance Cure, Hannah Zeavin proposes a reconfiguration of the traditional therapeutic dyad of therapist and patient as a triad: therapist, patient, and communication technology. Zeavin tracks the history of teletherapy (understood as a therapeutic interaction over distance) and its metamorphosis from a model of cure to one of contingent help. She describes its initial use in ongoing care, its role in crisis intervention and symptom management, and our pandemic-mandated reliance on regular Zoom sessions. Her account of the “distanced intimacy” of the therapeutic relationship offers a powerful rejoinder to the notion that contact across distance (or screens) is always less useful, or useless, to the person seeking therapeutic treatment or connection. At the same time, these modes of care can quickly become a backdoor for surveillance and disrupt ethical standards important to the therapeutic relationship. The history of the conventional therapeutic scenario cannot be told in isolation from its shadow form, teletherapy. Therapy, Zeavin tells us, was never just a “talking cure”; it has always been a communication cure. |
| esther perel questions for couples: What Makes Love Last? John Gottman, John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver, 2013-09-10 One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships-- |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Double Flame Octavio Paz, 1996 A collection of essays examines the themes of love and sex in literature, from Plato to modern fiction. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Passion and Presence Maci Daye, 2020-10-20 Awaken your mindful sensuality and reconnect with your partner with Passion and Presence. Most romantic relationships follow a predictable pattern of initial enchantment followed by inevitable disenchantment. But relationships don't have to stay in disenchantment or end! Passion and Presence offers readers a proven path back to connection and intimacy--often in deeper ways than before. Sex therapist Maci Daye draws on her popular international Passion and Presence workshops to show couples how their erotic difficulties can be a portal to creativity, compassion, and unparalleled growth. Exercises and reflections guide readers down what Daye calls the naked path of awakened intimacy. On this path, we courageously examine ourselves, our barriers, and our relationship patterns, ultimately finding fresh ways to heal and connect, and revitalize eros. With gentle clarity, Daye addresses the everyday challenges of real life sex, such as sex that has become routine, differences in preferences or desire, power struggles, a history of trauma, changes ranging from childbirth to aging, infidelity, communication challenges, and more. Engaging stories depicting couples of diverse ages, backgrounds, genders, and orientations illustrate how the practice of Passion and Presence can help any couple establish a more intimate and wakeful erotic life. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Loving Bravely Alexandra H. Solomon, 2017-02-02 As seen on The TODAY Show! “A godsend to anyone searching for, but struggling to find, true love in their lives.” —Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion Empowering and compassionate, and its lessons are universal. —Publishers Weekly Real love starts with you. In order to attract a life partner and build a healthy intimate relationship, you must first become a good partner to yourself. This book offers twenty invaluable lessons that will help you explore and commit to your own emotional and psychological well-being so you can be ready, resilient, and confident in love. Many of us enter into romantic relationships full of expectation and hope, only to be sorely disappointed by the realization that the partner we’ve selected is a flawed human being with their own neuroses, history, and desires. Most relationships end because one or both people haven’t done the internal work necessary to develop self-awareness and take responsibility for their own experiences. We’ve all heard “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself,” but amid life’s distractions and the myth of perfect, romantic love, how exactly do you do that? In Loving Bravely, psychologist, professor and relationship expert Alexandra H. Solomon introduces the idea of relational self-awareness, encouraging you to explore your personal history to gain an understanding of your own relational patterns, as well as your strengths and weaknesses in relationships. By doing so, you’ll learn what relationships actually require, beyond the fairytale notions of romance. And by maintaining a steady but gentle focus on yourself, you’ll build the best possible foundation for making a loving connection. By understanding your past relationship experiences, cultivating a strong sense of self-awareness, and determining what it is you really want in a romantic partner—you’ll be ready to find the healthy, lasting love your heart desires. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Figuring Maria Popova, 2019-02-05 Figuring explores the complexities of love and the human search for truth and meaning through the interconnected lives of several historical figures across four centuries—beginning with the astronomer Johannes Kepler, who discovered the laws of planetary motion, and ending with the marine biologist and author Rachel Carson, who catalyzed the environmental movement. Stretching between these figures is a cast of artists, writers, and scientists—mostly women, mostly queer—whose public contribution have risen out of their unclassifiable and often heartbreaking private relationships to change the way we understand, experience, and appreciate the universe. Among them are the astronomer Maria Mitchell, who paved the way for women in science; the sculptor Harriet Hosmer, who did the same in art; the journalist and literary critic Margaret Fuller, who sparked the feminist movement; and the poet Emily Dickinson. Emanating from these lives are larger questions about the measure of a good life and what it means to leave a lasting mark of betterment on an imperfect world: Are achievement and acclaim enough for happiness? Is genius? Is love? Weaving through the narrative is a set of peripheral figures—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Charles Darwin, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Herman Melville, Frederick Douglass, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Walt Whitman—and a tapestry of themes spanning music, feminism, the history of science, the rise and decline of religion, and how the intersection of astronomy, poetry, and Transcendentalist philosophy fomented the environmental movement. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Neurodiverse Relationships Joanna Stevenson, 2019-07-18 Comprised of the accounts of twelve heterosexual couples in which the man is on the Autism Spectrum, this book invites both partners to discuss their own perspectives of different key issues, including anxiety, empathy, employment and socialising. Autism expert Tony Attwood contributes a commentary and a question and answer section for each of the twelve accounts. The first book of its kind to provide perspectives from both sides of a relationship on a variety of different topics, Neurodiverse Relationships is the perfect companion for couples in neurodiverse relationships who are trying to understand one another better. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Erotic Intelligence Alexandra Katehakis, 2010-05-03 ENJOYABLE, EXCITING SEX IS POSSIBLE AFTER SEX ADDICTION In the journey to sexual sobriety, many sex addicts find themselves wondering, 'How am I going to have a normal relationship?' or 'Will it be possible to repair my marriage now that I've confessed my destructive behavior?' and 'Will I ever have great sex again?' As a sex, marriage, and family therapist, Alexandra Katehakis introduces a successful program for sufferers and their loved ones that will help them hone their erotic intelligence by making sense of the past, creating healthy habits in the present, and looking toward a more intimate relationship that nurtures honesty and closeness. With Katehakis's help, sex addicts can get in touch with their healthy sexual side—and embrace true intimacy and acceptance in themselves and in their mates. - Features true stories of people coming to terms with their sexuality on the other side of sex addiction, as well as couples finding a new path to sexual trust and fulfillment - Helps to build the four cornerstones of intimacy that are essential for healthy relationships |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Happy Body Aniela & Jerzy Gregorek, 2015-07-15 THE HAPPY BODY HOTLINE: If you have questions or you need support you can ask Jerzy for help. He is available on ZOOM everyday at noon PST. To join his meeting use 4594418282 numbers. Jerzy is happy to help you to become more youthful and create for yourself happier living. SECOND EDITION NOTE:Welcome to the new, updated The Happy Body. This second edition includes new inspiring testimonials and some useful tools, including a Quick Guide summary of The Happy Body experience (page 70), an extensive list of resources (page 280) and an outline to deepen your understanding of how The Happy Body can support you through every decade (page xv). The exercise instruction has been enhanced with greater detail regarding correct execution and the food plan material now includes links to new recipes and simple strategies that streamline your cooking to support your ideal body weight, leanness, and health. We’ve also written many books that offer additional support for those who need it; a list of these resources appears in the back of the book. Finding enough is a constant interaction between doing too much and doing too little. It is a part of any craft and ensures the fastest and safest progress. Making mistakes is part of the learning process. Equally important is maintaining trust that you will succeed just like others before you.This book is designed as a manual. Our clients find reading testimonies and highlighting meaningful passages in the book is inspiring—it keeps them motivated and positive. You can use the The Happy Body Self Mastery Workbook or The Happy Body Journal, or any diary to record your daily thoughts, feelings, challenges and solutions. By re-reading what you marked and wrote you will discover how you are changing. Page by page, mark by mark, The Happy Body will gradually find a home in you. And when it settles, you will be a master of your choices. You will know how much is enough—enough food, enough exercise, and enough meditation—for you to become a Happy Body, a body that is strong, flexible, fast, and lean. As we live longer and face more challenges in an ever-changing world, our quality of life is at stake. The strength and immunity of our bodies are correlated. Wellness is built over time by making conscious choices that are hard—resisting packaged products and inflammatory foods, minimizing consumption of animal proteins as we age, choosing strength over endurance training that overtires and injures the body. We have worked with these health topics for over 30 years now and have seen how the hard choices make up an easy life in the long run. Even more so, in the face of adversity.We created The Happy Body Program as a proactive, holistic approach to health and fitness, to thrive in harmony with nature. There is overwhelming gracefulness in living without overconsumption and finding the middle ground of enough. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Rituals Roadmap: The Human Way to Transform Everyday Routines into Workplace Magic Erica Keswin, 2021-01-26 #2 Wall Street Journal Bestseller, USA Today Bestseller, and Publishers Weekly Bestseller From the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Bring Your Human to Work comes an indispensable guide to taking your employee engagement to the next level. In Bring Your Human to Work, Erica Keswin laid down the rules and protocols of a human workplace. Now, in Rituals Roadmap, she shows us how to further employee engagement, explaining that workplace rituals foster a sense of belonging and help workers connect with one another and their work. From our morning cup of coffee to the standing Wednesday morning meeting with our team, our lives are steeped in rituals. Rituals Roadmap combines cutting-edge scientific research with examples from the most human companies, like Starbucks, Microsoft, Chipotle and LinkedIn, showing how they establish rituals during meetings, employee onboarding procedures, and daily interactions among coworkers. Whether you choose to pass around a stuffed penguin at your weekly meeting to express gratitude like Aria Finger of DoSomething, or decide to make lunchtime a daily ritual with your team in the same way one top performing team at Douglas Elliman does, rituals create community and change us in a way that conjures lifelong commitments. If you’re serious about employee engagement, Rituals Roadmap is your blueprint for creating a workplace full of engaged, connected employees who drive revenue and stay at their jobs long term. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Listen Like You Mean It Ximena Vengoechea, 2021-03-30 “Full of revealing, instantly applicable ideas for leveraging your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses.” —Adam Grant, author of Think Again and Originals, and host of the TED podcast WorkLife For many of us, listening is simply something we do on autopilot. We hear just enough of what others say to get our work done, maintain friendships, and be polite with our neighbors. But we miss crucial opportunities to go deeper—to give and receive honest feedback, to make connections that will endure for the long haul, and to discover who people truly are at their core. Fortunately, listening can be improved—and Ximena Vengoechea can show you how. In Listen Like You Mean It, she offers an essential listening guide for our times, revealing tried-and-true strategies honed in her own research sessions and drawn from interviews with marriage counselors, podcast hosts, life coaches, journalists, filmmakers, and other listening experts. Through Vengoechea’s set of scripts, key questions, exercises, and illustrations, you’ll learn to: • Quickly build rapport with strangers • Ask the right questions to deepen a conversation • Pause at the right time to encourage vulnerability • Navigate a conversation that’s gone off the rails Now more than ever, we need to feel heard, connected, and understood in a world that keeps turning up the volume. Warm, funny, and immensely practical, this book shows you how. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love Marcia Naomi Berger, 2014-01-15 Most couples — because they watch so many of their peers divorce and are themselves the products of failed marriages — don't have many successful long-term-relationship role models. Parenting and communication issues are perennial, while some challenges, like increasingly 24-7 work lives and economic hardships, mark the current decade. Despite all this, psychotherapist and clinical social worker Marcia Naomi Berger asserts that most couples can make love last — they just need to learn how. Berger answers this need with a deceptively simple prescription: have an interruption-free thirty-minute (or even shorter) meeting each week and follow an agenda that includes the kind of appreciation and planning for fun that foster intimacy and pave the way for collaborative conflict resolution. Berger has refined these techniques while working with hundreds of couples — with results that are both practical and profound. |
| esther perel questions for couples: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex Ian Kerner, 2021-04-20 Renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner shares the unique and indispensable methodology he uses to help thousands of couples get unstuck and into sexual sync. Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom—a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress. His secret weapon? Anaylzing your “sex script.” Kerner takes a magnifying glass to a recent sexual event, examining the entire sequence of interactions—beginning, middle, and end—from multiple angles. In those details—the what, where, when, and why of the last time you had sex—all the clues of what went wrong are revealed and the mystery of how to create mutual pleasure can be solved. When our sex scripts work, we lose ourselves in mutual pleasure; but when they fail, it’s all we can do not to ruminate over the details. What can be learned by looking at your sex life in action? With wit and warmth, the nationally recognized sex therapist and author of the smash hit She Comes First shows readers how to tap into their erotic personalities and realize their sexual potential. Dr. Kerner provides the tools and techniques you need to assess, fix, and expand your sex scripts, as well as discuss many common sexual problems that get in the way of happy endings. With the help of decades of clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, valuable homework assignments, case studies, and more, this insightful and original book strips away discomfort and offers couples not just the ability to talk about sex, but the ability to actually do something about it. |
| esther perel questions for couples: The Five Invitations Frank Ostaseski, 2017-03-14 The cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project and pioneer behind the compassionate care movement shares an inspiring exploration of the lessons dying has to offer about living a fulfilling life. Death is not waiting for us at the end of a long road. Death is always with us, in the marrow of every passing moment. She is the secret teacher hiding in plain sight, helping us to discover what matters most. Life and death are a package deal. They cannot be pulled apart and we cannot truly live unless we are aware of death. The Five Invitations is an exhilarating meditation on the meaning of life and how maintaining an ever-present consciousness of death can bring us closer to our truest selves. As a renowned teacher of compassionate caregiving and the cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project, Frank Ostaseski has sat on the precipice of death with more than a thousand people. In The Five Invitations, he distills the lessons gleaned over the course of his career, offering an evocative and stirring guide that points to a radical path to transformation. The Five Invitations: -Don’t Wait -Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing -Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience -Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things -Cultivate Don’t Know Mind These Five Invitations show us how to wake up fully to our lives. They can be understood as best practices for anyone coping with loss or navigating any sort of transition or crisis; they guide us toward appreciating life’s preciousness. Awareness of death can be a valuable companion on the road to living well, forging a rich and meaningful life, and letting go of regret. The Five Invitations is a powerful and inspiring exploration of the essential wisdom dying has to impart to all of us. |
| esther perel questions for couples: iGen Jean M. Twenge, 2017-08-22 As seen in Time, USA TODAY, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, and on CBS This Morning, BBC, PBS, CNN, and NPR, iGen is crucial reading to understand how the children, teens, and young adults born in the mid-1990s and later are vastly different from their Millennial predecessors, and from any other generation. With generational divides wider than ever, parents, educators, and employers have an urgent need to understand today’s rising generation of teens and young adults. Born in the mid-1990s up to the mid-2000s, iGen is the first generation to spend their entire adolescence in the age of the smartphone. With social media and texting replacing other activities, iGen spends less time with their friends in person—perhaps contributing to their unprecedented levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. But technology is not the only thing that makes iGen distinct from every generation before them; they are also different in how they spend their time, how they behave, and in their attitudes toward religion, sexuality, and politics. They socialize in completely new ways, reject once sacred social taboos, and want different things from their lives and careers. More than previous generations, they are obsessed with safety, focused on tolerance, and have no patience for inequality. With the first members of iGen just graduating from college, we all need to understand them: friends and family need to look out for them; businesses must figure out how to recruit them and sell to them; colleges and universities must know how to educate and guide them. And members of iGen also need to understand themselves as they communicate with their elders and explain their views to their older peers. Because where iGen goes, so goes our nation—and the world. |
| esther perel questions for couples: Living the Simply Luxurious Life Shannon Ables, 2018-10-07 What can you uniquely give the world? We often sell ourselves short with self-limiting beliefs, but most of us would be amazed and delighted to know that we do have something special - our distinctive passions and talents - to offer. And what if I told you that what you have to give will also enable you to live a life of true contentment? How is that possible? It happens when you embrace and curate your own simply luxurious life. We tend to not realize the capacity of our full potential and settle for what society has deemed acceptable. However, each of us has a unique journey to travel if only we would find the courage, paired with key skills we can develop, to step forward. This book will help you along the deeper journey to discovering your best self as you begin to trust your intuition and listen to your curiosity. You will learn how to: - Recognize your innate strengths - Acquire the skills needed to nurture your best self - Identify and navigate past societal limitations often placed upon women - Strengthen your brand both personally and professionally - Build a supportive and healthy community - Cultivate effortless style - Enhance your everyday meals with seasonal fare - Live with less, so that you can live more fully - Understand how to make a successful fresh start - Establish and mastermind your financial security - Experience great pleasure and joy in relationships - Always strive for quality over quantity in every arena of your life Living simply luxuriously is a choice: to think critically, to live courageously, and to savor the everydays as much as the grand occasions. As you learn to live well in your everydays, you will elevate your experience and recognize what is working for you and what is not. With this knowledge, you let go of the unnecessary, thus simplifying your life and removing the complexity. Choices become easier, life has more flavor, and you begin to feel deeply satisfying true contentment. The cultivation of a unique simply luxurious life is an extraordinary daily journey that each of us can master, leading us to our fullest potential. |
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These questions are aimed at helping the couple shift from a detective to an investigative position, after the acute crisis phase has subsided. That is a shift from facts to meaning.
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We have a tendency to think of sex as an action, said Esther Perel, a couples therapist and author who is launching a new online course about desire. But she reframes it for her clients and …
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Sep 5, 2006 · One of the world's most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the …
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We’ll see that contemporary couples invest more in love than ever before; yet, in a cruel twist of fate it is this very model of love and marriage that is behind the exponential rise in the divorce rate.
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Coupling in the Sandtray - BC Play Therapy Association
―Esther Perel Identifying where you are in the relationship. Circle sandtray. Dynamics elicited How did you interpret your partner's choices of items they put in the tray? Would you change …
Résumé de Je t'aime, je te - cdn.bookey.app
d'Esther Perel, Je t'aime, je te trompe, entraîne les lecteurs dans un voyage captivant et introspectif à travers les complexités de l'infidélité. Avec compassion, perspicacité et une recherche …
Esther Perel 73 Questions [PDF] - 10anos.cdes.gov.br
Esther Perel 73 Questions Esther Perel. Esther Perel 73 Questions: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn,2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater Gain a Life is a no nonsense self help guide for ...
Seven Principles Of Making Marriage Work
John Gottman Michele Weiner-Davis Ellen Fein Esther Perel Gary D. Chapman Gabriel Garcia Marquez Margaret Mead John Mordechai Gottman ... Making Marriage Simple Making Marriage …
Esther Perel 73 Questions (book) - 10anos.cdes.gov.br
Esther Perel 73 Questions Hannah Zeavin. Esther Perel 73 Questions: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn,2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater Gain a Life is a no nonsense self help guide for ...
Esther Perel 73 Questions - staging-gambit2.uschess.org
Esther Perel 73 Questions Eric Nuzum. Esther Perel 73 Questions: Getting Along Amy Gallo,2022-09-13 Named one of 22 new books that you should consider reading before the year is out by …
You Did Not Become A Therapist to - Couples Institute
Title: Microsoft PowerPoint - Developmental-Model-Training-Program-Slides.pptx Author: monte Created Date: 10/7/2023 9:37:07 AM
